For those of you who didn't know, I am also the fabulous Miss WandaLuv! This page is where I will post humourous thoughts or snippets that I think will bring a smile to your day. If I offend you, just go back to the home page and start over. Or better yet, order my books! That will more than make up for my BIG AZZ MOUTH!
I met a man on BlackChristianMatch and the brotha' asked me for money to pay his tithes
Paying a child to eat healthy isn't in my budget. Letting them starve until they see Jesus is tho. I'm a single mama pimp
Thank God for hair color 'cause without it 47 would be the new 87
I joined Christian Mingle and met an atheist. Then I joined Black People Meet and met a white man. I hope there's a site called Broke Bastards...maybe I'll meet a rich man
If a man has taken Risperdol and developed female breasts don't sue - sell, sell, sell that chest meat to a woman
trying to pick up a man at a Lamaze class might not be a good thing
lip gloss and lip stick is your friend. Vaseline, lotion or Crisco will do. The weather is changing and the chapped lip struggle is real
they say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach so I punched him, and then stabbed him in it. Why am I the featured episode of Snapped this month
he said you never call to check on me. I could be dead for all you care. I said if you're dead you can't talk anyway sooooooo
The government can't agree so they shut down. Me and my bank can't agree so I'm gonna rob it. One of us might as well get what we want
Doing things the same way and expecting different results is crazy, right? Right! No more exercise for me, then! Fatass
You could lose your black card for not loving Ain't No Stopping Us Now, As We Lay and Boogie Wonderland
I wanna meet my husband at the gym so he'll know from jump that I'm a fatass
This just in...a new reality show is coming to the Awwwww, Nawh Network calledChild Support Check Up. Cameras will follow women around as they take their child support checks on doctors visits to see why they're so weak and frail; get da life paddles out - CLEAR!
How do you get a picture on the back of a milk carton? I want to send in a pic of a child support check that I received 10 years ago. They can age progress it and maybe someone can identify it now 'cause I haven't seen it since...If a woman is turned on by a man with a big ass does she have lesbian tendencies? The UPS man just bent over and OOOWEEE....
He said my ass looks like a road map. Hills, valleys, u-turns, bumps, squiggly lines and dead ends. It has been traveled a lot but he didn't have to go there. I shouldn't give him any. Please, I'm a ho; next stop Route 69...
Wanda and Ricky sittin' in a tree - k-i-s-s-i-n-g, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes divorce 'cause Wanda had a baby with Ricky's brother and its his nephew in the baby carriage...
He said I got luv all over me; yea it's called cum, fool.
He said if you think you're lonely now wait until tonight. I said I won't be lonely cause your brother, your uncle and yo best friend are coming over...it's about ta go down...
"Uh...can I get some dyck to go with that condom?"
"I'm just a fat girl in remission..."
"Clearance Sale Titties - Titties that have been mauled and pawed, pulled and groped, but never seem the leave the sale table; they're just hanging around for the next customer..."
He said we don't have to take our clothes off to have a good time. I said good cause I really don't want to see you naked...
If you hear these responses, you might have an ugly baby:
1. "Oh, that's your baby? Really?"
2. "She sure has come a long way..."
3. "That baby don't take no good pictures..."
4. "Forget tying a porkchop around her neck - throw the pig on her!"
Weight Loss Tip #1 - Wear all black; it makes you look slim!
Correction to Weight Loss Tip # 1 - I am all black; that s*it doesn't work! Come outside naked and see what happens...If you are 500lbs and put on a black tee shirt you are now 500lbs with a black tee shirt on!
If you get happy when you find a $10 ATM...
If you are robbing Peter to pay Paul, and Paul wants to whoop your azz...
If your income tax refund for 2010, 2011, and 2012 is already spent...
If your paycheck for the next three weeks on your new job is spent, and the first day of work is in three days...
If you are finally getting your turn to "own" the family car that is 20 years old...
If you are banned from using lay-a-way because you never pick up the items...
Activities Designed NOT For Black Folk...
1. Going to farms to PICK anything. Uh, you do remember cotton don't you?
2. Playing with a fire hydrant. Hmm...look at any tape from the Civil Rights Movement.
3. Bungee Jumping - Self explanatory
4. Going on a cruise. Re-read #1, 2 and 3
Things A Comedian Thinks About More Than Twice Before Saying Out Loud....
1 - Rosa Park's funeral was so long she got up and took the bus to the cemetary. "I'll bury my dayum self..."
2 - Corretta Scott King's funeral was so long she organized a march to protest it
3 - VOTE - The White House will look better in COLOR ( of course I'm voting on the issues...)
4 - If Twitter were created by a black person it would be called Fried Chicken...
5 - Facebook is a place for friends...Blackface is a place for yo' black friends...
Lil Jerry came home from school crying. His momma asked him what was wrong.
"Boy, why you makin' all that noise? What's wrong?"
"I got suspended from school for flunking the spelling bee."
"What??? What happened?"
"Well, the teacher asked me to spell Caucasian so I did."
"How you spell it?"
"What was wrong with that?"
"I don't know. But she gave me another chance. She asked me to spell Chinese, so I did."
"How you spell it?"
"That was wrong?"
"Yes. But she gave me another chance. She asked me to spell Mexican so I did."
"Okay...how you spell it?"
"Dang...that was wrong, too?"
"Yes. But she gave me another chance. She asked me to spell Negro."
"I spelled it N-E-G-R-O. And then I got suspended."
Okay, if you don't get it or you don't find it funny....hmmm....